Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
