I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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