did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
