He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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