If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she smelled like a LAN party
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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