I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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