he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
