My room smells like vodka and shame
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
