Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
