I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
