he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
