she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
