did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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