He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
