can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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