I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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