I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
