I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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