she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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