I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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