My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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