I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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