i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
