im about as happy as oj after his trial
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
