The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
