The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
