I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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