Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
