Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
