kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have fence marks all over my body
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
