Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize