If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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