so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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