I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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