Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
