and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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