oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
