I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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