i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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