He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
