I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize