You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We are all done wearing pants today
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