Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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