He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
