I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
