my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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