His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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