I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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