and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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