I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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