cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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