I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
