What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
