all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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