I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
