Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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