Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
