I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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