I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we have pet lesbian snakes
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
