We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
