Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
