someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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