ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i would punch a child for taco bell
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
