I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
