I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I need a beard to bite.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
