Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
