before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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