She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
All the doctor said was why
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
