I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize