You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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