so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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