Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
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