thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
