also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
